dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
