fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
