Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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