You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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