So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
