i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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