His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
