Sry I called you an 8
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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