It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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