she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
