hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
last night I used snow as a chaser
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
