TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
i out mim tonsoeep
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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