yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
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You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.