Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
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wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP