Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.