one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
USA USA USA
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest