Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says