This is not my ceiling
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
