Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
