this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
