he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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