So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
