i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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