Even the bartender felt bad for me
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
