I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
