How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
