normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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