So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
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