U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
