I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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