I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
