Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
My dick has a subreddit
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
