Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
