Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
