Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Don't make out with my wife yet
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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