if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
