1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
So drunk its hurt
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
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My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
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Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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