he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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