We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
