Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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