you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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