I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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