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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm half single.

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Please tell me it's the bottom half.

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• (805): View more from California

  she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu

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• (707): View more from California

  I haven't been laid since Bush was president.

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• (260): View more from Indiana

  We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.

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  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

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• (865): View more from Tennessee

  If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.

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• (760): View more from California

  i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have

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• (972): View more from Texas

  he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.

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• (316): View more from Kansas

  Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.

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• (785): View more from Kansas

  After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.

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  21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers

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• (310): View more from California

  Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12

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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.

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• (520): View more from Arizona

  Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman

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• (956): View more from Texas

  So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.

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• (727): View more from Florida

  Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.

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• (425): View more from Washington

  I think my nap took me to another dimension

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