i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
you had me at cake vodka
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
