the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
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Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
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Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?