Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
