You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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