I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
