God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
