To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
