Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
