She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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