Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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