Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
