I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
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