i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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