if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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