i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
