So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
