Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
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