You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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