i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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