i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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