She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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