Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
