AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize