Yo dont text me then not text me
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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