hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
