White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
