In America we eat man semen.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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