I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
What a dumb baby whore.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
