you're like a bully in the Christmas story
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
