I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
