the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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