I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
