Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize
