Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I smell like Dick and happiness
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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