She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
