i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
