how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
