The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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