somebody snuck up and got me drunk
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
