rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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