its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
My vagina is officially offended.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
